四十在望有感

一月二十四日是我的生日。今年的生日略有不同，因为是四十周岁。半年前，一位美国同事曾问及我的年龄，我微笑的回答，我还可以合法地用三字相称。我的合法性将在一个月内消失。是惆怅，还是无奈？还是别有一番滋味在心头？

国人称四十而不惑。论语集释的解释，不惑就是不疑惑。生活中可能疑惑的事情很多，从工作，情感，健康到交友，任何事情都可以掀起波浪与不解。我的疑惑，在过去的奋斗中渐渐消失。迷蒙的征途静待在脚下。背上轻装的行囊，迈着清新的步伐，执着地走向远方。带着信仰，带着希望，带着爱，何惑之有也？

对于信仰，我没有疑惑；生为服侍，死亦复生，人世的艰辛，劳累与收获，一样令我快乐。对于工作，我没有疑惑；心胸坦荡，忠诚勤奋，计较的只是团队的成败，而非个人的得失。对于爱情，我也没有疑惑；过去的是春花，未来的是秋月；永远相信一个乐观的真理：最美好的一天还未来临(My best day is yet to come)。

那么四十以后想做些什么？人生似乎已经定型，机会似乎在逐日减少。其实不然，正是因为届于不惑之年，人成熟持重了，人知足理解了，人珍惜时光了，人睿智通达了。有了这些品格，世界被装进了你的心里，而非在身外。是所谓，心如海而意如天。又岂不能海阔凭鱼跃，天高任鸟飞。

我是一个幸运的人，因为信仰，因为神的恩典和慈爱，我被放在了一个最令我施展才华的位置。作为政府的一员，作为软件的总设计师，推陈出新，规划蓝图并攻克一个个艰巨的项目是我每日最大的奖励和祝福。作为聊若晨星的外籍管理人员，能够有一支人才辈出的队伍，能够承担全套系统最重要部门的领导，又何时何地不令我谦虚谨慎，奋斗不息。

工作之余，还能得到长久的心灵的平静。无需与欲望拼争，无需同金钱肉搏。羡慕的是智慧而不是显达，崇尚的是真诚而非雄辩。百年之后，希望留下的是建树与成就，思想和言行。这些财富，生不带来，乃后天耕耘创造而出；死不带去，因为本就是要留给他人。愿神给我更多的时间，更多的平安，让我影响更多的人，使他们的心中同样充满光明和温暖。

所以，面对今年的生日，应当感恩，庆贺和祈祷，而无需担忧，遗憾和抱怨。最好的日子即将来临。做一个真正有信的人。因为只有全心的有信的人，不仅明天是美好的，天国之路是美好的；他们的今天也是欢快的，人间岁月也是丰饶的。神的爱，就是要我们过好人生的每一天。

New Year Day

This is the New Year day of 2010. It was sunny and warm, like most people hoped for their future. We love the first day of the year. It symbols a new start, hopes and dreams.

People spend their first day of the year in a unique way. How did you do?  A fresh start requires something different. You might go to gym and kick off a workout plan; you might start reading a book that give you knowledge and strength; you might quit some habit that haunts you for some time; and you might simply sit down and write something like what I am doing right now.

My past New Year Days had their own colors.

In 2007, I just moved to a new group and was very struggling with the work and people. It was a day of confusion and worry. It was a big question mark about my future. And there’s no answer. I started to go to Calvary Chapel Green Valley in January. I listened the teaching each week and began to see the light was rising from the horizon. I became a believer and was baptized later that year. The road of my career and personal life was still bumpy and harsh, but I was no longer lost. 2007 is all about my newborn faith and blessing from God the Father.

In 2008, I was in another set of difficult decisions. I was in the same group on a weird reentry and the work was getting tougher. I had a wish about moving back to Texas to stay close with my daughter. It sounded dauntingly hard to achieve, because I was new to the group I worked and asking for work remotely does not have precedence. However, God pointed me a way and I stick with His plan and never looked back. My faith was growing that year, and the blessing was more. Not only I ended in Austin peacefully, but also I was given a better job that I’ve been dreamed for many years.

In 2009, I was surrounded by a mountain of work and technical challenges. I was new to the environment and we were facing an impossible deadline. I was in the meeting room and it seemed every fellow teammate knows more than me. I prayed everyday and put my future in the hands of God again. I worked very hard and I knew that hardworking was never enough. It was the grace and mercy from the Father that led me out of the darkness. The whole year is a revelation to me. I was happy on every single day. I found my passion, my skill and my future merged into one straight road wandering into the green high pasture land.

I don’t know what is exactly ahead of me in 2010. But I know it is going to be beautiful and better than my human imagination. I am a three year old baby in my faith journey. I start learning speak and asking simple questions. I am eager to learn and actively observing. I love everything given to me. The Father knows what is good to me, and all I need to know is to believe.

Follow the truth, and follow the light, and every day in our life could be a new beginning, and every single moment could be the start of a New Year in our spiritual calendar. With God, every year is a good year and every day is a blessing.

唐诗十六对品析（八）时光变迁

 

一别苏州十八载，

时光人事随年改。

不论竹马尽成人，

亦恐桑田半为海。

。。。（白居易）

 

巴山蜀水凄凉地，

二十三年弃置身。

怀旧空吟闻笛赋，

到乡翻似烂柯人。

沉舟側畔千帆过，

病树前头万木春。

今日听君歌一曲，

暂凭酒杯长精神。（刘禹锡）

 

一首是白居易十八年离别苏州的感怀，一首是刘禹锡慨叹二十三年的贬谪生活。

白居易诗中提到：骑竹马的孩子业已成人，也许海水也淹没了部分的桑田。随着年龄一天天的长大，这样的感觉也是迟早的事情。叹息之余，觉得白翁的佳句确是颇有神韵。

刘禹锡的诗中，历史，典故和传说丰富奇丽，构思精巧，且十分附和诗人当时的心情，是难得的传世名篇。最后，诗人表达了对长期压抑，苦难和挫折成为历史的信心，坚信着自然和人生终将是蓬勃向上。这是刘禹锡答白居易的一首七律，挚友相逢，酒宴筹觥，一幅苦尽甘来的和谐美景。

时光荏苒，我不知不觉中在美国也有十五年了。北京的旧巷故邻已消失大半，桑田半为海是有过之而无不及的。今年夏天会回去重游，一定会另有一番感慨的。

唐诗十六对品析（七）江南

江雨霏霏江草齐，

六朝如梦鸟空啼。

无情最是台城柳，

依旧烟笼十里堤。（韦庄）

 

千里莺啼绿映红，

水村山郭酒旗风。

南朝四百八十寺，

多少楼台烟雨中。（杜牧）

 

我是京城里长大的。小的时候，由于玩劣，被送到江南农村的伯父家一住。曾经与江南的山山水水有过接触。工作以后，也曾多次游历南方，尤其是南京，非常的熟悉。韦庄和杜牧诗中的景象是亲切的。离开中国已久，两首诗中都提到的鸟，啼，烟是否还是一千多年前的景象了？

唐诗十六对品析（六）怀古

王睿楼船下益州，

金陵王气黯然收。

千寻铁锁沉江底，

一片降帆出石头。

。。。（刘愈锡）

三顾频繁天下计，

两朝开济老臣心。

出师未捷身先死，

长使英雄泪满襟。（杜甫）

自小酷爱三国，多少的典故熟谙于胸。这两首诗，一则是三国归晋，天下一统，是王气与祥和的描绘；一则是秋风五丈原，壮志未酬，是遗憾与感慨。我有两句赞此二诗：

古今英雄多少事；

悲欢秋月无限情。

唐诗十六对品析（五）玉门关

黄河远上白云间，

一片孤城万仞山。

羌笛何须怨杨柳，

春风不度玉门关。（王之涣）

 

青海长云暗雪山，

孤城遥望玉门关。

黄沙百战穿金甲，

不破楼兰终不还。（王昌龄）

 

当唐诗谈及玉门关时，总是一幅沧桑悲凉的景色。作为中国西域最后一道尚有人烟的城郭，玉门关一向是人们慨叹的地方。我最喜欢黄河远上白云间一句，无比的苍劲雄魄，是好男儿不屈的剪影。我亦喜爱王昌龄的不破楼兰终不还。使我想起岳武穆的壮志饥餐胡虏肉，笑谈渴饮匈奴血。无比的激情，令人肃然敬慕。

唐诗十六对品析（四）思忆

独在异乡为异客，

每逢佳节倍思亲。

遥知兄弟登高处，

遍插茱萸少一人。（王维）

君问归期未有期，

巴山夜雨涨秋池。

何当共剪西窗烛，

却话巴山夜雨时。（李商隐）

 

同为思念，王维的诗重在惦念，触景生情，以心比心，深情中包含着无奈。李商隐的诗重在期盼，睹境思人，梦寐他日的相逢，思念中充满着祝福。

唐诗十六对品析（三） 农丰

故人具鸡黍，

邀我至田家。

绿树村边合，

青山郭外斜。

开轩面场圃，

把酒话桑麻。

待到重阳日，

还来就菊花。（孟浩然）

鹅湖山下稻梁肥，

豚栅鸡栖半掩扉。

桑柘影斜春社散，

家家扶得醉人归。（王驾）

喜爱这两首诗，是因为他们温馨祥和的意境。他们谈到了酒，谈到了村舍，谈到了农庄里的欢宴。我小的时候，在上海奉贤县胡桥镇的水乡村落中度过了难忘的七个月。记得伯父新居落成时，也曾摆下一桌桌的酒席，请来了多方的宾客，他镇的亲朋。醉饱逍遥的明月夜，何尝不是一幅家家扶得醉人归的丰美佳话。每读这两首诗，总能唤起我对江南农乡的怀念与赞叹。

Love what I am given

 

It was not the prefect weekend I could have. Saturday was cold and rainy. I was worrying on many things.

I worried about one of our applications. It was fine but just has a long distance to the ideal shape I was expecting; I could use my boss’s word: “You are just too picky.” I could also use the word Sean Connelly said to Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones III: “Indiana, let it go!” I worried about two important meetings in the next week; one of them, I will address to my section on all the changes to be implemented for year 2010. Along with my plan, we will have a monthly newsletter for cross area communication, we will have a monthly coffee roundtable for section wide update, we will have a backup chain for key knowledge points (I am still developing it while I am writing this), a roadmap for new technology adoption and we will have some resource change for key projects for 2010; will they accept my move? I also worried about a trip I planned in January, and what I should accomplish from it. I also worried about my friends and ex-coworkers in Las Vegas, who lost their jobs lately. I also worried about my rental property; a few hours ago, my property manager just notified me that the tenants are moving out…

In this earthly world, everything is pulling my heart. Conflicts at work, financial stress, relationship dilemma and personal expectations are like waves of the roaring sea and they never rescind. I repeated this to myself: how could I not worry?

However, after reading God’s words, my heart starts settling down. Nothing needs to be worried if you heart is filled with heavenly lights. I was given a place to live, warm and cozy; I was given a job to excel, hard but rewarding; I was given peaceful time at home and sounded applause at work; and aren’t these enough to be happy?  

I love what I am given right now. It is not fortune, it is not fame, it is not an appealing outside look, neither is it even a complete family. However, I believe that God has His plan. What I am given is a path to the truth and perfectness. It is challenges and endurance, it is admiration and respect, it is a pure and kindness heart, and it is the hope and faith for the good days yet to come. My life is poor in the body but rich in the soul.

At the end, I love what I am given, because what I am given is love.

December 13, 2009 at Austin

唐诗十六对品析（二）春

天街小雨润如酥；

草色遥看近却无。

最是一年春好处，

绝胜烟柳满皇都。(韩愈)

好雨知时节，当春乃发生。

随风潜入夜，润物细无声。

野径云俱黑，江船火独明。

晓看红湿处，花重锦官城。(杜甫)

 

在所有写春天的唐诗中，我独爱此二首。细细品位，二诗有许多的相似之处。

二诗题目中皆有 春 字；

二诗起句中皆有 雨 字；

二诗中皆有 无 字，好 字；

二诗中最妙的都是一个 润 字，是画龙点睛的神笔；

二诗一明一暗，一则是夜雨初降，一则是细雨新晨；

二诗皆以景色终句，一则言花，一则言柳，一红一绿，正是春之光彩。

每逢春日，就会想起这两首佳作，有泥土的清香，有迷人的芬芳。